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fifth april.

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let's chase the summer and forget the world.

every day i wake up and rush around here and there doing stuff which feel extremely important to me, and every night before i sleep i wonder if they are really the things which will make me feel happy in life, perhaps in a few months? a few years down the road??

i hate myself for being all paranoid i always think ALOT i know and i can just annoy people to death by complanining I KNOW THAT too, like my mom is totally -.- whenever i start sighing in my front of her and telling her that i worry about this worry about that. and some of my friends go you know you worry too much since you cant do anything might as well choose to be happy, but what they do not know is i want to choose not to worry too but i freaking cant help it. sometimes i do not know what i worry about, and dont presume you know. haha, you know, i actually worry most about what i hope to worry about in future.

like i feel that worrying is perhaps a good thing, thinking about something shows me that it actually means something to me :) and i get even more scared if i do not care about what happens

i really want to be someone who can be firm in making my decisions & stick to them

mdt today, went alright :) i guess. I HOPE. haha. since we dont exactly know what are they looking for and what are the criteria, so yeah just spent the 3 hours doing the 3 tasks at my own pace (actually i think its a rather zi bi activity cause you dontknow anyone and the people arent exactly friendly and everyone just do their own stuff) and thinking about random things that come to my head while my fingers move. i always do that during very quiet times when im supposed to be doing smth, like during exams. i can think about the qns their answers and then when im writing the answers/solving the questions my mind will be thinking of some song, its lyrics, maybe some television drama... maybe its a good thing i can multitask, but i think im actually not concentrating on my work as much as i should